When former Governor Mark Sanford disappeared from his capitol office and from South Carolina for six days in 2009 with no explanation to his staff or to the people of South Carolina, his staff made up a story. They said that he was hiking the Appalachian Trail.
In fact, the married governor and father of four boys was really in Argentina with his mistress.
Things Are Always Different After the Affair
Now, five years later ex-governor Sanford is surprised that relations with his ex-wife are so contentious that he cannot carry on a peaceful, joyful relationship with his mistress, who became his fiancé, and is now his ex-fiancé.
Mr. Sanford is surprised that his ex-wife is “bitter,” “constantly filing law suits” and has serious disagreements about the content of the time he spends with his youngest son.
He shouldn’t be at all surprised. Life and expectations for the future during the fantastic affair period are always very different from what reality brings.
Why Are Affair Periods Different?
During the affair period everything is positive. The affair is a secret so there are no dealings with a wife who might have some very negative feelings about this other relationship. It’s secret so they are parents together just as they’ve always been. There are no criticisms or lawsuits about what kind of parent the other one is in his or her time with the children.
What’s happening now is that Congressman Sanford (he is now a US representative from South Carolina) has cancelled the engagement saying his ex-wife’s bitterness, constant lawsuits and interference with a normal relationship with his youngest son forced him to choose between a loving relationship with his son and a loving relationship with the woman whose first relationship with Sanford was as his mistress.
Mr. Sanford has cancelled the engagement because “I cannot do this anymore.” He says his ex-wife is forcing him to choose between his mistress/fiancé and his child and he can’t live with how this choice could play out.
Give him credit for choosing his child whom he brought into the world.
The only thing is it’s a little late and considerable damage has been done.
Let Someone Learn From These Mistakes
He says, “I hope and believe that Jenny and I can find a new way.” [New York Post 9/13/14] And he says, “It’s also [a] reminder for every one [who has] been blessed to avoid the agony of divorce, of how important it is you spend your time when you have it with those who now bear your name.”
Maybe he is saying, “Let someone learn from his mistakes.” But he’s not saying he’s sorry he had the affair. That’s hard to do. It’s hard for him to recognize the damage he’s done.
It’s similar to Lauren Silverman and Simon Cowell. This is yet another affair that is undoubtedly not working out the way that it was planned.
Once again, during the affair everything was positive. Although married to someone else she was ecstatic with Simon. Now she and her husband, the father of her young son, are divorced. Her husband like Jenny Sanford doesn’t like the idea of his son spending time with a cheater and a liar, Simon Cowell. So the divorce and custody agreement provides that the young son will spend time with his mother but Simon can’t be around.
Can you imagine the machinations and contortions that surround this boy’s spending time with his mother. And the mother now also has another young son to include in her family, the baby she conceived while having the affair with Simon.
The ecstasy, and then the agony
When a man or a woman is having an affair, the “high” of the affair completely blocks out any thought of the agony that will follow. But it almost always does.